A Nervous Excited Feeling*

April-sunrise_470pxToday is the first day since announcing Origin Hops to the world that I have been afraid. Certainly, in the early stages of dreaming and scheming, I would feel my chest tighten for a moment when I realized the many changes to my life that such an endeavor would entail. (These of course being losses from the world I knew and had adapted to, not a real sacrifice in the whole scheme of things.) But the anxiety I feel today is different.

I first thought it was a fear of committing to a place. I have bounced around a bit since last I lived in Fort Ann – Vermont, Colorado and now Washington, D.C.  That was not quite it. No. What I fear today is that Origin Hops—that I —might fail. Had I set goals that could be achieved? The idea of growing hops had emerged out of an understanding that there might be too much to fix to save the farm, too much lost to keep the whole. A piece would be better than having it lost for good from the family. What happened to the history of the land and our family if the venture did not succeed?

Friends and family have believed in this vision and chipped in their own savings, devoted their time and taken a leap of faith. I fear letting them down. I fear losing their support. I fear not being able to save our sliver of the farm.

Then I remember. Fear can be paralyzing unless guided by hope. And nothing is done in this world alone.  And so the faith shown by family and friends surrounding Origin Hops has calmed the fear down and tucked it in for the night.

 

*There are a certain number of former USGA Fellows who know the feeling 😉

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